Hi, Fan here. :(
I just wanna tell that I'm depressed for the past days before Typhoon Glenda hit the Metro Manila. I feel like between to walls that was about to crush me into bits. I'm also pressured because I have so many things that I have to do in short amount of time, like my projects for school. We also have a pre-test this coming week and UPCAT on the second week of August (my family has high expectations from me). And frustrated because I have so many things I want to do but can't because all of those things I've previously said, all of it prevents me to do anything.
I want to punch the wall many times until my knuckles bleed because of all the stress. I feel I need someone to encourage me to do these things, not discourage. In here, nobody really cares about my feelings, I mean, they are not careful with the words the're saying. They are one of the main reason why I became like this, I became numb of everything they said. Things get repetitive here, I always get scolded because they didn't know that I'm so depressed, I get lonely on the school because they didn't know that I hate bullying and "pairing" (you know what I mean), and I'm always listening to the music because it is the only way I released my anger and stress.
I don't really hate my classmates. It's good to have them, but the only thing I don't like some of them is mistreat me like a lower rank. I mean we're all equal in the classroom, the word "classmates", remember? I just get bored with my life because my family cannot understand what I'm current burden right now, yet, some of them try to discourage me. All of my hopes begin to fade and my soul is ready to torn into half. I really want to kill myself right now, but I still thinking about my future. I also want to get out from this house and be free, but I don't want to do that because "where would I stay?"
Guys, I seriously need encouragement. It will help me to lighten this burden. I don't want to hear anything from the people from my house temporarily.
~Fan