Hi, guys! Seiru/Fanny here.
Ho boy, this is gonna get a bit emotional.
I am reviewing most of the threads we have here in the wiki. Some here are pretty silly, some are irrelevant and some are just so random that you are just gonna scoff, laugh, smile or just roll your eyes. But looking back - even on the threads I'm not part of - each of us gradually shaped into our own personalities/identities. You'll never know something changed in you until you actually read each thread.
Admit it, each of us have done stupid things here and we regret it but it doesn't mean we're just gonna stop there. There are a lot of issues, I'm talking about the silliest ones to the depressing ones. I'm not going to talk about our immature selves just yet... but we all know, deep inside, what are they.
Can you guys imagine that all of us strangers here in the wiki gradually becomes to a group of friends then to a family? I know I might sound cheesy but that's how life it is. Simple but difficult. We're the only ones who make it difficult, like our limitations and flaws. In all honesty and despite all of that, those memories are just memories... though some are still unresolved.
So here's my personal tidbit (and reasons) why I looked back:
Vince noticed this long time ago (or maybe not). I stopped visiting the wiki around mid-2015 to 2016 because I felt useless around here. Everyone has their stories to be told and everyone is ahead of me. I feel left behind and I actually tell you guys about this because I thought I'm just going to be another problem upon your shoulders while it wasn't. I feel so unimportant at that time, I feel being crushed by being a fresh high school graduate to a college freshman and there are tons of work and projects to be done. I saw everyone had a purpose but me, I feel I'm somehow forgotten and that leaves a terrible emotional scar on me and it is still bleeding up to this point.
The reason why I didn't tell you guys these problems because I'm in my suicidal phase that time. Every sharp object that I turned to became something that I want to harm myself painfully. It seems at that time everyone had an obssession while I got left behind that I nearly stopped chasing my dreams. I felt like I was going to be rejected and I envy deeply everyone up to now.
I didn't love myself and I'm still learning to accept my flaws. My headmates are actually there for me not to commit any harm to myself. I'm thankful that they exist because it wasn't for them, I'll be long gone now.
I always think (and the others too): what if this Wiki and Series itself didn't exist? Would we still be the same people? Maybe in an alternate universe, who knows? We still meet somewhere in the internet but we're blended in this mundane society that doesn't know how and when to fix things up. I don't know how fate actually works. No one does but I'm really glad that I meet ya'll, including the ones who already left the wiki.
Eventhough most of you guys leave emotional wounds and scars on me, directly and indirectly, all those times I'm away from you guys... it reminded me of life. Eventhough it hurts, I did my best to move on and begin to accept myself who I really am.
If it wasn't for you guys, I'll be a lot worse than I actually am. My manipulative side has taken over me and I'll be rebellious than you think.
I just wanna say thank you, guys. And I love ya'll.
(PS I initiate a big group hug and I just notice there tears on my keyboard while typing this whole thing)